31 Days of Sweet Rot: General Mills Monster Cereal

[Editor’s Note: Today’s sweet rot submission is actually a guest post by strange kid, Eric Harrelson. Harrelson has also contributed to Blood Over Texas, Other Worlds Austin and The Movie Press.]

Originally released in the 70’s I fondly remember these cereals as a child. My horror proclivities were evident even at an early age, as I was constantly begging my mother to buy me Monster Cereals because they had ghosts and mummies and vampires and um, Frankensteins(?) and I wanted a spooky breakfast. Although it was far too sugary to be allowed into my house on a regular basis, I did get to have some around Halloween. Now that I am a grown man and I can have the sugar bomb monsters whenever I want, General Mills only releases them seasonally. BUT, because I am an adult my mom can’t tell me I can only get one. So naturally I got all three!

All of the Monster Cereals have the same basic make-up: Crunchy corn ghost thingers punctuated by marshmallows shaped (sort of) like the heads of each Monster, Boo Berry, Frankenberry, and Count Chocula.

First up is Boo Berry, which was always my favorite flavor, yet my least favorite monster. I love the dark blue corn ghosties. Sweet and crunchy, they are somewhere between the boring bits of Lucky Charms and Crunchberries from Captain Crunch. The marshmallows are exactly how you remember them, sugary dehydrated bits of flavored Styrofoam. Boo Berry turns the milk blue, as one might expect, but as a bonus, it also turns your poo blue! Which is terrifying at first until you remember that you scarfed down three bowls of Boo Berry before bed the night before.

Frankenberry is up next, and as I pour the first bowl, I am struck by how bright pink the corn ghosties actually are. I may be wrong, but I don’t remember them this vibrant! The artificial strawberry flavor comes through stronger than the vague berry taste of Boo Berry, but I still don’t like it as well as I do the poo-altering blue version.

Last up is Count Chocula himself. Much like Coco Puffs with marshmallows, the Count is unfortunately my least favorite. It’s tasty for sure, but the fact the Coco Puffs, Coco Pebbles, and Coco Krispies exist kinda negates the point. Granted, Count Chocula has those marshmallow-like simulacra, but it isn’t enough to propel him into Boo Berry territory. BUT, the milk goes chocolate, and that is awesome.

All in all the Monster Cereals are a fun bit of nostalgia, and are quite high on my Halloween recommendation list. As far as the taste goes, my rankings go Boo Berry, Frankenberry then Count Chocula. As the monsters themselves my rankings are Frankenberry, Count Chocula, and then Boo Berry, because what is with that dumb hat? This being an election year, the Monsters want to get in on it too for some reason, so you can vote for your favorite as well! Evidently you can win 5 thousand dollars, but the only thing I’ve ever won out of a box of cereal was a cassingle of “Hey Sandy,” and I had to send in UPCs for that. But I did once win a stuffed Nerd from a box of Nerds. So I guess there’s that.

I don’t normally rate things, because I am far more clever and nuanced than any mere rating system could possibly convey, but this is breakfast cereal we are talking about here. As a whole: 4 outta 5 Snack-o-lanterns.