HEY GANG! We’re back from hiatus and I’m chomping at the bit to tell you about all the fun I got into these past few months. Those of you who have been following Strange Kids Club on Facebook and other social media outlets probably have picked up on the fact our next magazine’s theme is…WRESTLING! But seeing how my brain isn’t much of a repository for wrestling knowledge, I went out in search of a story and boy did I find one in an underground wrestling league located in Austin, Texas.
G.L.O.R.Y., or the Glorious Ladies of Rasselin’, Y’all!, is an all-female wrestling league ran and performed by “women and non-binary people” who are going to inflict their own brand of rasselin’ awesomeness on those gelatinous spheres you call eyeballs. With characters like SLAMPAXX, Queen Cup, Pussy Whip, T-Ref and a walking talking sex toy named PIKUU, my curiosity was instantly piqued (PIKUU’ed?). The narratives and witty character bios on their Facebook page only expound on the league’s brilliance. Seriously, go check that shit out. Whoever is writing their copy is pretty great and deserves some serious star stickers. Here’s a blurb from their site:
“In the spirit of DIY, we’re going to unleash a gritty, powerful, in-your-face explosion of feminist energy hell-bent on subjugating the male gaze in the most comedic and merciless way imaginable.”
And here’s a snippet about my favorite referee, T-Ref:
“Don’t let her name deceive you though, THE ONLY TYRANNICAL THING ABOUT T-REF IS HER DEDICATION TO A FAIR AND CLEAN FIGHT. Rumors abound stating her tiny limbs and poor eyesight couldn’t possibly allow for the kind of accuracy offered by more “human” referees. To that we scoff! T-REF IS 85 MILLION YEARS OLD, SHOW SOME RESPECT TO HOW IMPRESSIVE IT IS THAT A DINOSAUR HAS DEVOTED HER LIFE (after being frozen in time) TO WRESTLING.”
No surprise, G.L.O.R.Y.’s event at the Mid-Way Field House this past April did not disappoint. Many of the feuding wrestler personas were poking fun at Austin tropes with characters like the safety-conscious cyclist versus the devil-may-care punk cyclist, urban chicken enthusiast versus her passive aggressive roommate, and two farmers versus an engineer and CEO out to gentrify their asses. Regardless of this being G.L.O.R.Y.’s first ever performance the audience was pumped and got into the spirit of the event with signs of their favorite wrestler’s name and puns like “CLUCK HER UP!” When I wasn’t taking video, a fair amount of my time was spent yelling puns at the ring. For example, when one of the farmers had the engineer on the ropes there is a distinct possibility I drunkenly hooted, “LEVEL THAT B*$%#!”
It wasn’t all theatrics, comedy, and posturing going on as there were some legitimate wrestling moves being implemented in the ring as well. A panel of commentators kept us up to speed on the proceedings and occasionally exclaimed “This is real folks! Wrestling is real!” Intermission featured a comedian regaling us with stories of her experiences interviewing wrestlers and a fellow from the audience got his hair shaved into a mullet on stage. It was kinda nuts.
The night culminated in a bout to end all bouts between Queen Cup versus SLAMPAXX (with her petite, yet feral side-kick TOXIC SHOCK) as they disputed who was the superior form of feminine hygiene care! They promised us blood, and they had their work cut out for them. It was a raw, grungy, unapologetic, silly, and sexy evening and I would highly recommend going to any of their future events. Go and witness the GLORY for yourself!
If you are curious to learn more about this group of glorious and gregarious rasselers be sure to check them out on Twitter or grab some “glorious” G.L.O.R.Y.! merch. And if you’re not curious…well then, you must be a lame-oid who hates learning. Wanna fight about it?!
Photo credit: Brain Vomit Photo
