Science and math have never been among my strongest skills. In fact, they’ve always kind of been boring subjects to me—I’m much more of a history buff. Look past their dull facade, though, and science becomes a little cooler. Extraterrestrials are real, functional proton packs are a possibility and time travel is as simple as sneezing… it’s like a higher level of consciousness.
In SCIENCE TEAM, written/directed by Drew Bolduc (The Taint), science fiction becomes science what the f—ck?! when a frustrated writer named Chip returns home to stay with his mother only to find her dead and “a sessile space alien living in her house rent free.” The alien? We’ll get to that in a sec. First let’s talk about Chip, whose juvenile anger issues hardly make him the most endearing character—a trait (unfortunately) shared by several characters in this film, almost all of whom spew their swear-filled lines with slapstick exuberance and no concept of an “inside voice.” Of course, there’s something to be said for the frantic energy that the cast exhibits on screen which fans of any Troma production may well enjoy.
Shortly after Chip discovers his dead mum, the titular Science Team appear. A shadowy government agency tasked with “maintaining interstellar peace and protecting America from the many alien threats that seek to destroy us,” they restrain Chip (a wise choice) but only after he manages to kill one of them by accident with a shaving blade. Before long, Chip breaks loose and goes full-on John Rambo against the pink-suit wearing science geeks, hacking them up left and right. Meanwhile, the lead Science Team investigator (Joey) sits down for a chat with the alien lifeform now residing in the home… and by chat, I mean he yells at it until the alien is forced to “psychically penetrate” him to stop.
Things only get weirder from there as Chip, still on the run, receives a handjob from a random neighbor woman (??) and Joey laments being mind-raped by an alien before choking his boss (and brother) to death. Before long, Chip is back to killing Science Team cronies, culminating in a face-to—er, membrane, with the alien. Then… he gets shot. Eyes burst out of faces, heads explode, more people run around screaming and the alien gets toasted with a flamethrower—John Carpenter style—while the remaining Science Team reinforcements cover everything up with bags of salt and bodybags.
In terms of tone and style, comparisons could be made to Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste, Ted Nicolaou’s TerrorVision or any one of Troma’s madcap movies, though it would be a stretch to say that Science Team is quite as entertaining. To be fair, the film offers an interesting premise (mysterious alien invader, shadowy and inept government agency, exploding heads), but unfortunately too much time is spent listening to characters scream at each other. As a result both the Science Team organization and the alien creature get lost in translation.
