McDonald’s. It’s something we grew up with. Happy Meals were usually wanted depending on what toy they were giving away, they all used to provide a place for us to play and I even remember attending a few (rather fun) birthday parties that took place in the clownhouse. These days, however, I rather detest the place—minus a few select items and the breakfast menu—but there are a few items from back “in the day” that I feel deserve another shot. Here’s why I feel they would work now:
Numero F’n Uno – The McPizza (1989)
I remember the first time this oddity was bestowed in front of me. It was after a peewee league baseball game and I, along with the rest of “The Green Hornets” (it was the name Dad selected for our team as the head coach) were just amazed to see pizza being dished out in a burger spot. Baskin Robbins might as well be dishing out tacos! It was new, we were kids and we all voted on the gimmick. I remember it not being bad, but it wasn’t great either. It was ready fast food though, a pizza without the wait, a luxury back then at least.
Why it would work now:
Little Caesars is in beast mode on the pizza game with the “Hot n Ready” marketing. Hell, I think Dominos even got in on that sweet action for a few weeks in some areas. So why not McPizza? It would benefit them as being a location that can cater to the spectrum of the families’ taste. Everyone wanting something a little different and the one kid who wants pizza… easy choice. Dad gets a burger, mom can get her chicken wrap or salad and the kids can split a pizza all under one roof. We’re in an instant culture now and this would give Little C’s a run for there money.
Numbrtoo – The Arch Deluxe (1996)
“The burger for your grown up taste.” That’s how it was marketed at least. Between a poor marketing strategy and it’s initial cost, the Arch Deluxe doomed to become a big flop for Team Ronald. Heck, they sank $300 million into the market research for this thing, but I think if they hadn’t made it seem like it was only for adults and added a “fun factor” to the commercials for it it could have seen more success.
Why it would work now:
Well, it’s design was almost 20 years ahead of itself… somewhat of an artisan-style burger. Just look at the fast food burger market of today, they’re all fancy schmancy looking things now (minus the dollar menu items). Give that thing a pretzel bun and it would shine now like it was hoped for back then. It simply was a sandwich ahead of its time, if such a thing could exist. So yeah, look at the playing field today and this thing would fall right in the mix rather nicely.
III – Onion Nuggets (Mid-‘70s)
I’ve never had these, they were discontinued well before I was born but, damn, those things look good. Just imagine the new “hidden menu” things people could do with these. That’s always been a thing with me at McDonald’s. Your choice of unhealthy side item is only fries and only in one fashion of the sense. It seems like by now they would have at least incorporated another stab at some sort of fried side.
Why it would work now:
Well, they couldn’t just hand you battered frid onion chunks and expect that to be the appeal. No, they would need to come with a chipotle fashioned dip. Like what you get with a blooming onion or the zesty onion ring sauce from BK. Better yet, just invent a new “spicy” dip. I’m among the group of people out there, where given the choice, onion rings trump fries so these would be an instant go-to. They’d be different enough from the rings competitors offer as well to stand out different enough as McDonald’s own item. I think, however, they would work better with the McRib marketing scheme… it wouldn’t be an all the time thing but loved for its short run availabilities.
Now, I’m hungry…
