I’ve tossed the idea around of doing a piece for this movie since the very first time I wrote anything for Strange Kids Club. I’ve had the idea poo-pooed, nay-nayed and have generally been informed I’m the only person in my circle of friends AND on the internet that finds any redemptive or entertaining qualities in this film, but with the Micheal Bay relaunch/remake basically pounding on the front door of the clubhouse, demanding someone answer, I finally decided now was a good a time as any to talk about… Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III.
Granted, being number three in any franchise is a damn difficult thing to do. At that point in almost any franchise, the novelty of the concept has worn off like so much cheap paint and the movie has to have either some rock solid writing/action set pieces or a REALLY dedicated fan base that will see issues not as scars but the beauty marks they are. Uhhhh… we definitely have more of that second one than the first so let’s roll with that.
For all those who missed out on or refused to see the third entry in the venerable TMNT live action movie trilogy, it basically goes down like this: April is digging around at a flea market and finds a scepter which acts as a time travel device and switches her (and later the Turtles) with people from ancient Japan. April is accused of being a witch and Turtles must rescue her (within a time limit, of course) and return to their own time. Throw in a few white people selling guns and an angry shogun who believes the Turtles are “kappa” into the mix and you’ve got the gist of it.
Look – I’m not here to make the argument that TMNT III is a fantastic movie, just one deserving of a second look with gentler eyes and maybe a more “inebriated state of mind.” First off, we don’t have Vanilla Ice lurking around anywhere in this outing so that’s great place to start in my book. I mean, the world got a pretty catchy song out of it the last time but are we willing to sell our souls that cheaply again? I would hope not. (It’s recently come to my attention that I may be in the minority for hating on this song with a recent Kraft Dinner commercial starring everyone’s favorite washed up 80’s star making such positive waves in the nostalgia pond but I apologize for nothing said.)
The other thing that really kicks ass, in my mind, with this third installment is that we get to step into feudal era Japan and everything that comes with it. Most importantly… samurai! Who the hell doesn’t love the look of samurai armor? If for no other reason, it makes way more sense as an effective disguise. Cramming a turtle/man hybrid in a suit or armor that covers everything in already demonic-looking imagery works way better than donning a trench coat and fedora, looking like you’re on your way to the cheap porno theater for a night out. Obviously, I still love Raph’s trench coat because it’s iconic, but still… I had to bring it up.
Listen, I love the fictional sewers and alleyways of NYC as much as the next TMNT fan but sometimes, just once in a while, it’s nice to get out of the house. Though not handled as effectively as it could be, the time travel device (in this case an ancient scepter found by April at a flea market) acts as the Turtles ticket to the new and fitting locale. We probably could have done without the whole switcheroo aspect of this story as it’s kind of lame, but it was 1993 and you gotta cash those chips in when you have the chance.
Something that TMNT III often gets called out for is that it’s “goofier” than the rest of the movies. …excuse me? Let’s stop the hate train for a minute at Sensible Thought Station and really look at that statement. We’re talking about a movie about giant, mutant turtles who practice martial arts and were named after renaissance era artists by a GIANT TALKING RAT! I will accept that the costumes are noticeably shoddier than the previous two outings, and that some of the gags are fairly terrible “misses,” but please don’t complain about the movie being goofier. That’s just foolish.
I guess what I’m saying is that maybe we should step back and be happy we got 3 movies starring the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, even if every aspect of them isn’t as polished as we want it to be. Who knows, a few weeks from now everyone may look back at the “good old days” of TMNT III, before Michael Bay got his hands on the franchise and “improved” it for 2014 audiences. Be careful what you wish for…
