Movie sequels have always been a tough trick to pull off. This excludes “planned sequels” such as The Hobbit franchise or Harry Potter (think of them what you may), of course, but in most cases sequels are lazy attempts to take what works from the first film and multiply it… often to uninspired and obnoxious results. It’s little wonder then that holiday sequels are often the worst offenders, stretching whatever thin plot the original had to the max or sometimes *gasp* even trying to reboot it entirely. What follows are five of the most cringe-worthy, worse-than-coal-in-your-stocking Christmas movie sequels ever made.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2 – Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure (2004)
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is genuinely a modern Christmas classic and unquestionably one of NL’s best feature films. What makes it so great is a combination of a solid cast, old-fashioned family Christmas comedy and a stellar soundtrack. This bastard sequel of the Vacation series, on the other hand, tosses all that in the garbage and sets the colorful Cousin Eddie (and his family) loose in the South Pacific on an all expenses paid Christmas vacation. Let the indigestion and dry vomiting begin.
Clarence (1990)
If you thought a remake of It’s A Wonderful Life is the worst that could happen then you clearly haven’t seen this appalling stinker of a time bomb. Made as a TV movie, Clarence is a “spinoff” of the original film that stars Robert Carradine (Revenge of the Nerds) as Clarence Oddbody – George Bailey’s guardian angel, only… younger and hip. Back with the same mission, to save someone from committing suicide, this time Clarence has to prove he can keep his wings by completing his mission while contending with the “modern” world.
A Christmas Story 2 (2012)
“Here’s an idea – for no reason let’s take a bunch of actors no’s ever heard of, say they’re grown-up versions of the cast from A Christmas Story (toss is one of the thieves from Home Alone for good measure) and make a sequel! And – AND – instead of wanting a carbine action, two-hundred shot range model Red Ryder air rifle, Ralphie wants a car! We can even repeat all the same gags since no probably (maybe) remembers how great the original film was, it’ll be all nostalgic and junk. It’ll be an instant classic – again!” Yeah…
Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (2012)
Who would’ve thought that Home Alone would have spawned almost as many sequels as Saw. One would think A) Kevin would be like 30 by now, B) the Wet Bandits would have killed him or C) directors would be tired of retreading the same story over and over… and over. In this version, Kevin is replaced by the forgettable Finn Baxter whose parents have recently moved into a new house. The parents leave Finn (and sister Alexis) “home alone” and hijinks ensue when a trio of thieves strike on the same night.
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)
Far be it for us to exclude this noxious knock-off from our list. Granted, the original Silent Night, Deadly Night isn’t a poster boy for great filmmaking but it does offer an interesting twist on Christmas and it’s at least decently paced with ample bits of nudity, gore and unintentional humor sprinkled throughout. Part 2, while still unintentionally funny, is so incredible lazy that 1/3 of the film is actually recycled from the original – only with the juicy bits edited out! The rest is so badly acted and stupid that you might as well toss it away. You know why? IT’S GARBAGE DAY!
