I love my arcade. Everyday I get a chance to meet new people. My favorites are the Dads and Moms that come in with their kids for the first time. I never get sick of hearing “This is what I used to play as a kid,” and having parents explain to their little ones how to jump over barrels, use a POW brick, or to eat the blue ghosts… it’s just an awesome feeling to see parents bond with their kids that way. It’s kinda like a passing of the digital torch from one gamer generation to the next and it’s nice to make people happy everyday via the power of nostalgia and fandom. I truly do have a fun job.
Even before The Rube and BossLady (co-owner & main squeeze) opened Rusty Quarters Retro Arcade & Museum, I collected arcade and pinball machines. Some I’ve sold, others I brought to the arcade, but there’s one that I’ve always kept with me. It’s the one that I loved to play as a kid, the one no matter how bad of a day that I’ve had, I can always count on playing a relaxing game. That game is Popeye.
Back in 1929, while suffering with bad cold, Cartoonist E.C. Segar was working on his famous strip (Thimble Theater) which followed the wacky adventures of the Oyl Family. Stressed with deadlines, E.C. had to quickly come up with a salty sailor for his strip and then – BOOM! On January 17, 1929 in Santa Monica, California (The Rube’s hometown), Popeye was born. Popeye automatically became a hit with readers and soon took over as the main character of the strip. In 1933, Popeye jumped from the comic strip to animated short films, later to full cartoons and, in 1980, his own live action movie. People couldn’t get enough of this fast-mumbling, bully beating, girl/baby saving hero. It’s no surprise then that this squinty-eyed sailor man would one day be featured in his own video game.
Believe it or not Popeye was going to be Nintendo’s first US released game, but Shigeru Miyamoto (creator of everyone’s favorite plumber) couldn’t obtain the rights so they went with “Plan B” which involved some horrible idea with a Gorilla throwing barrels at a little jumping man. What was that called…? Sorry, just can’t remember the name. King Ape? Lazy Monkey? Anyway, due to the success of Miyamoto’s lazy side project, Nintendo was able to renegotiate with King Features and one year later Popeye was in every arcade, bowling ally, and pool hall in the country.
The game itself is very simple; Popeye must gather falling heart/notes/letters from his girl Olive Oyl without getting punched in the face by an out of control beer bottle throwing stalker named Brutus? No, wait… Bluto? I know that Nintendo couldn’t get the rights to his name but fuck it, I’m calling him Bluto. Ok, since we got that confusion out of the way lets start with Level 1.
The game opens with Popeye sliding on one knee, flower in hand to give to his baby mama (hey, they’re not married but they have a kid so I calls’m like I sees’m… Whore!), which pisses off a recently rejected Bluto. Olive is so touched by her man’s gesture that she throws hearts in the air for her beau to catch. Popeye must catch 20 falling hearts to continue to Level 2. While Popeye (ie. the player) must collect these love notes, you also have to avoid the wrath of a jealous stalker (Bluto) who’s armed with only beer bottles and hand slaps.
Hmm, let’s pause this review for a second and talk about Bluto. He’s a bully that loves to wear bright matching clothing, goes around slapping sailors, and only throws 4-Packs? The only drink that I know that comes in 4-Packs is berry wine coolers. Now, I’m no psychiatrist but Bluto may be pining over the wrong person. Would that explain why he’s angry all the time? Maybe he’s just confused or maybe I’m just reading way to into it.
Continuing with the review of the Level 1… while obtaining hearts and dodging Bluto’s advances, you can score extra points by strategically hitting a punching bag which releases a bucket. If it lands on Bluto’s head, he gets stunned and you get extra points. Also, with every level there’s a can of Spinach. Hit that and the Popeye cartoon theme starts and you have a chance to hit Bluto and land him in the ocean, but be careful because if one heart falls in the water, the you get scolded by Olive (which is pretty funny to watch) and lose 1 life. I almost forgot to mention the Sea Hag… you know what, let’s just not talk about her and just mention that she throws bottles (and later biting skulls). On to the next level!
Level 2 is in the city and — WHAT?!?!?! THERE’S A BABY TIED TO A FLOATING BALLOON ON A SKATEBOARD! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE OR AT LEAST CHILD SERVICES! Well, I guess if it’s OK for Michael Jackson (R.I.P.) to swing a toddler off a balcony… Getting back to the game, Olive now sings a sonnet of falling musical notes. Thank God you only have to catch 16 this time but you still have to dodge Bluto in his gold matching club outfit (man, the evidence just keeps on adding up huh?) and the bottling throwing Sea Hag. No bucket this round but there’s still spinach to help you out. For extra points you can jump on Wimpy’s see-saw and, if timed right, hold on to Sweet Pea’s floating skateboard for extra points. Same as the last level, don’t let the falling notes drown in the river or you’ll catch hell from Olive and lose another life.
Level 3 takes place on a ship. Who’s ship? Nobody knows. Olive get’s kidnapped by an angry vulture (?) and is held captive in the bird’s nest. She screams “HELP!” and it’s your job to collect H-E-L-P, which builds a ladder with every letter collected. This time you have to fend off a vulture, the Sea Hag, and Bluto is wearing… a pink shirt and matching pants? Ok, at this point my Gaydar™ is clearly in the red. I’m not angry or upset. I just wish that Bluto would just confront his feelings, find a man that treats him well, and just be happy with who he is *sniff* I’m ok, I’m not going to cry… I’m not going to cry… *SNIFF!* I need a tissue. Ok, so after you build your Bridge O’ Love and save Olive the game starts back to Level 1 (now level 4), which becomes real challenging real quick thanks to the Sea Hag throwing CHOMPING ZOMBIE SKULLS OF DOOM!
Overall, joking aside, I really enjoy playing this game. So much that I have a Popeye arcade machine in mint condition in my home. The only two bad things that I can say about Popeye are that I wished that there were more levels and, since there’s not a jump button (punch only), it might throw off first time players. Even though most have been either gutted out and turned into MAME (Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator) cabinets or restored as Donkey Kong (BINGO! That’s the name I was thinking about!) arcade machines, you can still find Popeye in most major cities that currently have an arcade/barcade/bowling alley (check out www.arcadelocations.net to play one near you). If going to an arcade isn’t an option, you can always play via computer emulator, multiple consoles (Atari, Coleco-vision, Intelevision, and NES) or just go old school and buy the arcade Cabinet via Craigslist or Ebay ($500-$700, depending on condition).
