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Blade Braxton Talks the Shit Side of Pro Wrestling Gimmicks

FOR 16 YEARS, WRESTLECRAP.COM HAS BEEN HOME TO THE ABSOLUTE WORST IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. FROM HORRIBLE GIMMICKS AND INDECIPHERABLE PROMOS TO UNWATCHABLE MATCHES and ridiculous storylines, R.D. Reynolds and Blade Braxton have painstakingly catalogued – to the chagrin of many who would rather forget – the most embarrassing moments in the history of the sport.

R.D. and Blade have been obsessed with the wrestling business for virtually their entire lives, spending an ungodly amount of money on LJN Wrestling Superstars, VHS tapes, WWF WrestleFest arcade games, Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazines, Hulk Hogan Squirt Heads, and Savio Vega T-shirts.

Upon visiting WrestleCrap.com, one can find an assortment of content celebrating the worst of the worst. There’s the “Someone Bought This” section, which highlights some of the weirdest merchandise ever made, like WCW Slam Society CD-ROMs and Katie Vick’s cheerleader outfit. There’s the illustrious “WrestleCrap Inductions” and “Jobber of the Week” features, as well as their hit podcast, WrestleCrap Radio, which is home to characters like Angry Jim Ross and The Honky Tonk Mailman.

Unlike the “smart marks” of today’s Internet Wrestling Community (IWC), R.D. and Blade embrace – dare I say celebrate – the silly side of wrestling. In honor of Strange Kids Club Magazine’s wrestling issue, I sat down with Blade Braxton to talk about WrestleCrap, bad gimmicks, and what he considers to be the absolute worst era of professional wrestling. Buckle up, kids – it’s about to get crappy.

Illustration: JARED MORGAN
Illustration: JARED MORGAN

IF YOU HAD TO PINPOINT A SPECIFIC MOMENT IN TIME WHEN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING JUMPED THE SHARK, WHEN WOULD IT BE?


BLADE BRAXTON:
On November 22, 1990, at WWF’s Survivor Series pay-per-view, The Gobbledy Gooker hatched from a giant egg. A guy (Héctor Guerrero) dressed in a turkey costume emerged and proceeded to speak “gobbledygook” to “Mean Gene” Okerlund.

Let’s assume that pro wrestling is real for a second. The Gobbledy Gooker has just hatched from an egg and is dancing in the ring with Okerlund. We have to assume that this creature is a baby, yes? So, where is the giant mama Gooker that laid that fuckin’ egg? Why wasn’t there a 45-foot-tall Gooker storming the Hartford Civic Center to get its baby back?

NOT TO MENTION, THE EGG WAS ON DISPLAY AT WWF EVENTS PRIOR TO SURVIVOR SERIES, AND THE WHOLE THING WAS HYPED UP ON TELEVISION…


BB:
I forgot about that – The Egg Tour of 1990! They should’ve sold shirts!

MEANWHILE, IN WCW, STING WAS DEALING WITH THE BLACK SCORPION, AN EVIL WRESTLING MAGICIAN WHO WANTED TO TORTURE THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION WITH MYSTICAL POWERS…


BB:
The wrestling fan in me should hate The Black Scorpion, but I love it. It’s just so absurd. The Black Scorpion was a dark figure from Sting’s past, shrouded in mystery, who wanted to drive the champion mad with mind games.

I REMEMBER SEEING THE BLACK SCORPION ARRIVE IN A SPACESHIP AT STARRCADE ‘90 AND THINKING, FOR THE FIRST TIME, THAT THIS – THE ILLUSTRIOUS SPORT OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING – WAS STAGED. IT WAS THE MOMENT I REALIZED THAT WRESTLING WASN’T REAL.


BB:
You know, The Black Scorpion storyline wasn’t bad in the beginning. He was just some evil dude (played by Al Perez) who wanted to torture Sting. At Halloween Havoc, he became a magician, grabbing a fan and teleporting around the stage with them. Then, at Clash Of The Champions: Thanksgiving Thunder, he used his mystical powers to turn some pencil-necked geek into a tiger. That’s a good website right here: turningnerdsintotigers.com, I bet that URL’s not taken!

AND THEN AT STARRCADE ‘90, BLACK SCORPION – NOW PLAYED BY RIC FLAIR – ARRIVED IN A SPACESHIP WITH A LEGION OF CLONES. STING WOULD UNMASK THE SCORPION AND REVEAL TO THE WORLD THAT IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN THE NATURE BOY, AND THAT THE FOUR HORSEMEN HAD COOKED UP THIS WHOLE PSEUDO-SUPERNATURAL THING.


BB:
Between the Gooker and the Black Scorpion, 1990 is definitely in the running for the worst year in the history of professional wrestling. In the ‘90s, you couldn’t just be a guy with a name – you had to be a cartoon character with a clearly defined gimmick. Kerry Von Erich was the Texas Tornado. Curt Henning was Mr. Perfect. Even Tito Santana, one of the longest-tenured guys in WWF, was repackaged as El Matador…

Want to read the entire interview? Buy our August 2016 Issue—Available Now!

Strange Kids Club Magazine #6
Strange Kids Club Magazine #6

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Written by Adam Frazier

Adam Frazier is a child of the '80s. He grew up with Boglins, My Pet Monster, and Madballs, and poured over magazines like Famous Monsters of Filmland, Starlog, and Fangoria. His favorite films include Star Wars, Alien, RoboCop, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and he has a bizarre fascination with Mothra. When he isn't writing about movies, Adam watches obscure cult films, plays vintage video games, and obsesses over '80s pro wrestling.

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