Surf Nazis Must Die. A title like that just rolls off the tongue, dripping in equal parts cheese and cult movie goodness. Mind you, it is a Troma movie, so that much is to be expected. This beautiful piece of cult movie goodness take place “Sometime in the near future” after a major earthquake has all but destroyed the coastal cities of California. Enter Adolf and his crew of “Surf Nazis,” determined to wrest control of the beaches from the other gangs and become the “Fuhrer of the new beach” or some nonsense like that.
I feel some mixed emotions when I watch 80’s post-apocalyptic movies with such ridiculous premises; part of me glad I live in a future where I don’t have to watch my back when I leave the house lest some themed gang jump me while the other part wishes I could be part of a goofily themed gang. Maybe not Surf Nazis, but I’d have hung around with the samurai surfers. They seemed like chill dudes, just hanging out at their pagoda which ISN’T RACIST AT ALL.
Anyway, over the course of the movie (which Roger Ebert walked out on because he didn’t have the testicular fortitude to to handle such an awesome concept) we watch as the Surf Nazis battle to control the beaches, fighting off rival gangs in typical – and not so typical – gang fashion. What do I mean by not so typical? Well, one of the Nazis has a surf board with a hidden, spring-loaded knife which I can’t say these eyes have seen before. So yeah, not so typical. I’ve never ever wanted to surf in my life (being a pale ass ginger plays a huge part in that decision-making process), but if I got to ride a sick ass board with a knife in the front? SIGN ME UP BABY! I’d slap on some SPF 6000 to ride that thing and rule the waves, taking on all who would contest my rule. Who am I kidding? I’d be shark bait in the first 10 minutes of getting in the ocean. A man can dream though. A man can dream.
This battle to for the tides quickly turns against the Surf Nazis when, in true Aryan fashion, they kill a black man who is jogging on the beach. They really couldn’t have chosen a worse person to kill, however, as they unleash the holy wrath of the most formidable of enemies, his grandmother. Large, in charge and armed to the teeth with a pistol and hand grenades, she makes it her mission to end the nazi surfers beach Reich.
I know I’m late to the game on checking out this awesome piece of cult cinema greatness, but I have a legitimate excuse: I’m scared of random Lloyd Kaufman cameos. I can’t help it, it’s a real fear! I’m slowly conquering this phobia however and movies like Surf Nazis Must Die really help the healing process along, showing me that not only do there exist Troma movies without Kaufman cameos in them but that taking that personal risk might just pay off in the form of a new favorite movie. Don’t be like me. Go and watch Surf Nazis Must Die now.
- Ridiculous hidden weaponry? Check!
- Not PC at all 80’s bad guys? Check!
- Armed to the teeth geriatrics? Check!