The Rube’s Review: Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)

Ok, let’s talk about the greatest story ever told!

So, from what I understand, Hell is a boring place to be even for a mass murderer like Freddy Krueger. Once he was on top of the world, slashing teens left and right, until the parents of Springwood found a way to forget about him… and just like any boogyman, if you have no fear of him then he can’t hurt you. Fuck, it sure does suck to be Freddy. Maybe he should stop his bitch’n and put his energy into a hobby, just like his pal Jason Voorhees.

Turns out that, even in hell, Jason has a day job to punish the dammed souls of his previous victims for all eternity… until Ma Voorhees visits her son at work and tells him to take care of some errands down on Elm Street. Of course Mrs. Voorhees is actually Freddy in disguise with a plan to awaken Jason from his earthly slumber to cause terror in his (Freddy’s) name. After all, the more people that believe in the legend of the “Springwood Slasher,” the more his powers will grow and with Jason as his errand boy, Freddy can once again be the king of all nightmares.

Like The Rube mentioned in his Jason X review, I don’t want to spoil to much of the film so you’re just going to have to watch the movie to see if Freddy actually comes back, how many more interesting ways to dismember a body without a machete, and how long will it take for Jason to finally turn on his “handler.”

As for my review, the story is awesome with the “Splatter-Meter” hitting 11 with every shocking, teen dispatchment; it’s clever, creepy, and keeps you at the edge of your seat. Trust me when I say after 15 years of preproduction, New Line picked the right script and director (Bride of Chucky’s Ronny Yu) to film these two horror icons going at it together on the big screen.

Without giving anything away, I really like that the story uses the elemental weaknesses of water for Jason and fire for Freddy… which kinda reminds me of basic monster rules found in most classic Universal monster movies and brings up the point as to why this movie works as a whole. Even though this film was made just about 10 years ago it still has that classic Universal Monsters feel for a modern world.

The only, and I mean ONLY, problem I have with what has to be one of my favorite horror movies of all time (yeah, I said it!) is the generic stoner character. It feels like they wanted to get Jason Mewes (Jay from the Kevin Smith films), but needed someone younger and because of this we’re stuck with a wannabe that just comes on too strong.

Other than that, even though it’s not needed, it would have been so cool to see how Jason gets to Elm Street. You have to remember that Freddy’s reign of terror happens to be in Springwood, Ohio which is a little bit more than a stone’s throw from Crystal Lake, NJ. Now, if The Rube had filmed it, I would have made cool montage of teenage dismemberment set to Everybody’s Talkin (Midnight Cowboy, 1969)… yeah, that would’ve been awesome. I guess I’ll just have to keep this idea in my dream journal…

FAMOUS FACES:
Eh, other than Robert Englund (V: The Original Series or those other slasher movies… sorry forgot the name), Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps), and singer Kelly Rowland… everyone else is pretty unforgettable. The only other person to point out is Zack Ward. You might know him from playing S.T.A.R.S. Member Nicholai Ginovaeff in Resident Evil: Apocalypse or the little bully in A Christmas Story.

LESSONS LEARNED:
It doesn’t even matter if you’re at an outdoor rave, if you see a juggernaut in a hockey mask, just run.

Construction sites are dangerous, especially at night.

MEMORABLE SCENES:
Jason’s first kill
Spooky dreamgirl
The Rave
Battle at the docks

MEMORABLE LINES:
I think I need some more drinks before they’ll be any “massaging.”
Babe, don’t make me ask twice.
Dude, that goalie was pissed about something.
Welcome to my world BITCH!

FUN FACTS:
Even though Kane Hodder auditioned to reprise his role as Jason, he was turned down and the part was given to his fellow friend/stuntman Ken Kirzinger (both of whom worked on F13: Part 8). Why? Since Kane Hodder and Robert England are roughly the same towering height (roughly 6’), the director wanted a taller/beefier stuntman for the role. Ronny Yu went with Ken, who stands at a staggering 6’5”.

Hypnocil is a fictional drug that was used in Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors.

During test/advance screenings, the ending was not added to the film. Instead, the following text appeared: “On August 15, 2003 see the final sixty seconds and see who has survived… and what is left of them.”

The budget for this film was $25 million, which did not include an additional $25 million to market the film. Total production cost was $50 Million, making Freddy Vs. Jason the most expensive to date for either franchise. Total gross (including domestic/ foreign box office and DVD sales) for the film is $197 Million, not including the heavy merchandising.

BODY COUNT:
22… Jason 20. Freddy 2.