The Rube’s Review: NES Black Box Games (Part 3 of 3)

Just joining us? Get the whole review…

Read Part 1 of 3
Read Part 2 of 3

Light Gun Series

(NOTE: Will require an older model TV for the Zapper to work)

DUCK HUNT

Hunt: Very Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $1-$10

Ah, Duck Hunt! I haven’t played this one in a while. As games go, it’s a totally original idea, even by today’s standards. You have a dog that flushes out ducks from the marsh and you get to shoot them down. You only get 3 shots and if you miss, the duck flies away and your hunting dog (which looks a lot like my meatball of a dog, Bailey) laughs at you… What a dick! This was a hard game for a spastic 80’s kid hopped up on Smurf Berry Crunch to play, but as an adult it’s pretty easy.: just point and shoot. If you get bored with that, there’s Game B with 2 ducks and Game C with clay pigeons which is also a lot of fun. For some odd reason, Duck Hunt isn’t a Wii download so you’ll have to get yourself an old TV and Zapper (around $2-$10, if you can find a working one) to play this launch title. The only major complaint about this game is that you can’t shoot the dog. Because this Game Pak was packaged with every NES/Zapper combo, you’ll have no trouble finding a copy for your collection.

STARS: 4/5

GUMSHOE

Hunt: Common/Semi Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $1-$10

So the story is that you play a private detective and the big city’s Mob Boss, King Dom, has kidnapped your daughter. You have 24 hours to bring him five Black Panther Diamonds or you’ll never seen your daughter again! It sounds like it should be a very fun game but to be honest it’s a piece of shit. Your Private Dick (which looks more like a flasher/hobo than a detective) is constantly walking from left to right, dodging obstacles – mostly cognac bottles, giant armadillos, and birds(?) – in his way. There’s two ways to dodge, you either shoot the dangerous items on the screen or shoot your London Fog Flasher to make him jump over “Death Blocks” (floating skull boxes that kill you if you touch them) and bottomless pits.

The two main problems with this game are the number of bullets you start with and a suicide glitch. You start with 50 bullets. You may collect more bullets by having your gumshoe collect red balloons on his journey, which is fine but sometimes can be scarce. The other thing is how the way the game is programmed. If you shoot an obstacle near your gumshoe, it will cause him to unexpectedly jump, usually into a Death block or other nearby enemy or obstacle (suicide glitch). This is just plain frustrating since there some levels that require pin point accuracy with you zapper to complete. For this fact, the Rube has never beat gumshoe and possibly never will.

STARS: 2/5

HOGAN’S ALLEY

Hunt: Common/Semi Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $1-$10

Out of all of the Light Gun Series games, this one is the Rube’s Favorite. It’s honestly nothing special and it’s actually very simple, a virtual shooting range where 3 cardboard cutouts come out and quickly turn to reveal a good guy (Police Officer, a Woman, a old man/Professor) or a bad guy (Mob Guy, 70’s Hitman, and Mugger). All you have to do is shoot the bad guys, which seems easy but the since the old man is dressed in similar browns as the Hitman and Mugger, 9 time outta 10 you end up shooting him too. The more you progress, the faster the game gets. Game B is in a city setting where the targets come out of doorways and windows. Game C is a lot of fun since it’s trickshooting. You have to keep on shooting tin cans in the air, onto platforms from left to right. The higher the platform the tin can lands on, the higher the points. Some people might get bored with this game after a couple of tries but I still consider it a very fun game.

STARS: 4/5

WILD GUNMAN

Hunt: Semi Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $5-$15

Even though the artwork is pretty cool, it’s not a fun game. Game A is your basic game of draw, which honestly creates no challenge. All you have to do is keep your gun on your Wild West opponent as he crabwalks to the center of the screen. When he says FIRE!, just pull the trigger and BLAM!, you win! Game B involves two bad guys. Game C is a little more enjoyable. It’s a saloon front setting that plays a lot like Hogan’s Alley. There are six openings (front door and windows) and you have 15 bullets to gun down 10 outlaws. Overall you’ll probably play this one a couple of times and then totally forget why you bought it in the first place.

STARS: 2/5

Programmable Series

EXCITEBIKE

Hunt: Semi Common | Wii Download: Yes | Avg. Price: $10-$20

First off, I would like to comment on the opening music which is as beautiful as it is annoying… actually, that’s properly a good description of this game. Selection A is a single bike time trial. It’s all you and your bike doing high jumps off ramps and conquering bumps and hills while trying to finish the course in the allotted time. The first time you play Excitebike all you do is crash and burn. It’s because of the controls that not only control speed and direction but also control the pitch of your bike while in the air. No matter where you crash on the course, you and your bike get pushed to side of the track and have to wait until you get on your bike again. This gets annoying real quick, especially when your bike stops due to overheating… but once you get the hang of it, Excitebike turns into a great game. Selection B is a full on race with other bikes that makes the game more of a challenge. There is a design function which is really fun (You can spend hours designing tracks) but the main flaw with all of the Programmable Series Game Paks is that since there’s no battery in the Game Pak. Once you turn off you NES, your designs are lost forever!… WTF?!

STARS: 4/5

MACH RIDER

Hunt: Semi Common | Wii Download: Yes | Avg. Price: $1-$10

It’s the year 2112, the earth has been invaded by evil forces. You are “Mach Rider!” …well that’s how the game starts. You play as Mach Rider, which I’m guessing is a football player that rides his gun mounted motorcycle through a post-apocalyptic land full of oil slicks, barrels, and other baddies on ATV’s. All I can say is, “Man, this is a really hard game”, both in gameplay and control. There are a lot of unexpected turns and too many obstacles on the road to make this fun for anyone. My favorite thing in this game is when you take on too much damage and blow up into pixelated pieces and then the reform (via rewind motion) to bring you back to life. Once again, you’re able to (poorly) design you own tracks but once you’re done with this game all your game info is lost.

STARS: 3/5

WRECKING CREW

Hunt: Semi Common/Hard to find | Wii Download: Yes | Avg. Price: $5-$15

When I was a kid, I loved this game, but now it’s kinda boring. You’re Mario in a hardhat going around destroying doors, ladders, oil drums etc., before you get clobbered by walking wrenches with googlie eyes. To me, Wrecking Crew is very reminiscent of BurgerTime; another arcade classic that the Rube can’t stand. I just have a problem with video games where you’re being chased. Other than this game being a little bit more enjoyable with a friend in 2-Player mode, you’ll just end up playing this once or twice before filing it away in your NES collection never to be played again.

STARS: 2/5

Sports Series:

10-YARD FIGHT

Hunt: Very Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $1-$5

I fuck’n HATE game! The gameplay is slow. The game is boring and takes forever to compete one simple pass. Just get it to fill your collection and stick with Tecmo Bowl, the best football game to come out for the NES.

STARS: 1/5

BASEBALL

Hunt: Very Common | Wii Download: Yes | Avg. Price: $1-$5

It’s as slow as a real life game. I like real baseball but I think the game gets poorly translated into 8-Bit form. Not really worth playing and probably one of the reasons why this Sports Pak is one of the most common Black Box Games that you’ll find on your hunt.

STARS: 1/5

GOLF

Hunt: Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $1-$5

In real life, I think it’s a game that has no entertaining value but as a video game I think it’s one of the most relaxing games to play. The gameplay is something to get used to but I think this is one of those single player sports games that can be played for hours. There’s a nice variety of 18 landscapes for you to putt around. Not as good as Mario Golf (GameCube) but still a very entertaining game for a slow Sunday afternoon. I would definitely recommend it.

STARS: 5/5

PRO WRESTLING

Hunt: Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $1-$5

As wrestling games go, this one is a lot of fun and probably the best one that ever came out for the NES. Each wrestler has quite a few moves including an signature special move. For an 8-Bit game there’s a lot going on. There’s a cheering crowd, talking announcers, moving cameramen. The wrestlers and their moves are very animated and fun to watch. The only downside is there are only seven wrestlers to choose from but The Amazon is clearly THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON so by default this game kicks ass! One Player game is good and challenging but add a 6-pack and a friend and Two Player mode is PURE AWESOME!

STARS: 5/5

SLALOM

Hunt: Semi Common | Wii Download: No | Avg. Price: $1-$10

Not too much to say. This downhill ski run plays more like a racing/driving game, just with harder controls (Well you are on snow, duh!). I do like the graphics; how the trees POP! up and the weird Charlie Brown GOOD GRIEF cheer you give when finishing a course. It’s kinda fun but I think the gameplay gets too challenging too quick. Trying to dodge snowmen becomes nearly impossible. It’s one of those games that you’ll either really like or just hate the second you start playing.

STARS: 2/5

SOCCER

Hunt: Common | Wii Download: Yes | Avg. Price: $1-$5

Get ready for some hardcore soccer action! Good passing and controller response. For me I just wished Hockey could’ve came out sooner (or count as the 31st black box game), but as sports games go, it’s a lot of fun with a lot of replay value… especially with a couple of friends, some beers, and pizza.

STARS: 5/5… 4/5 if you’re a hockey fan.

TENNIS

Hunt: Very Common | Wii Download: Yes | Avg. Price: $1-$5

It’s another version of Pong, just with better graphics. Spend the $1 to fill in your collection and forget about it.

STARS: 1/5

VOLLYBALL

Hunt: Semi Common | Wii Download: Yes | Avg. Price: $1-$10

I think as NES sports games go this has a good balance of good graphics and great gameplay… but only if you’re playing vs. mode. 1-Player mode is brutal and you’ll be lucky to score a point. Controls are something to get used to (aim your player under the ball’s shadow). Overall not too bad of a game, but like most people, you’ll have to be a real big fan (which I am not) to truly appreciate this game.

STARS: 5/5 if you’re a Volleyball fan… 3/5 for everyone else.

THE RUBE’S PRO TIPS

Well there you have it. I hope that this history lesson and reviews will help any current/future NES fans along their way to achieving their goal of a full collection. I would like to point out that depending on where you look, prices and availability of each game may vary, especially if you’re looking for complete games, mint in box with instructions. Even though the Rube listed an average price for all of these games, you should be able to find most between $1-$3 at any local flea market, garage sale, and thrift store.

The only other rule of thumb when to comes to buying and collecting games for any console is this: DO NOT BUY ANY SPORTS GAMES UNLESS YOU NEED TO FILL HOLES IN YOUR COLLECTION. When on the hunt, you’re going to have to sift though hundreds and HUNDREDS of sports games, including black box games at flea markets. Why? It’s because most sports games (except for 80’s WWF games and Tecmo Bowl) only have a one year life span. Once the newest version of your favorite sport comes out, it’s done! But you can use this info to your advantage. If you’re lucky and need to fill in your collection with missing sports titles, feel free to talk to the dealer and ask for a bulk discount ($1 or less for each game).

For more information on NES games and game collecting check out the following websites:

Cinemassacre: The Angry Video Game Nerd
http://cinemassacre.com/

The Punk Effect: Pat the NES Punk & Flea Market Madness
http://thepunkeffect.com/

Nintendo Age: Forums
http://nintendoage.com/