Toychest Time Machine: Mattel’s Food Fighters (1988)
Note: Yes, the video above is in French, because foreign words are funny… and it was the only actual commercial I could find.
This edition of Toychest Time Machine is dedicated to club member Jason whose encouragement for some more toy-themed posts has seen me dig deep back into obscurity to find a bite-sized battalion of greasy go-getters… the Food Fighters!
To be fair, when I first started looking back for information on these guys I kept getting them confused with McDonald’s Changeables, another obscure toy line from around the same time period (late 80s). Unlike the Changeables, however, Mattel’s Food Fighters did not transform into robots- rather, they were already geared up in their anthropomorphic military attire and ready to fight… well, I’m not real sure. Apparently there were two “teams,” the Kitchen Commandos and the Refrigerator Rejects, but they’re all unhealthy. I prefer I-Mockery’s theory that it was most likely a ploy to get kids caught in some global food fighting conspiracy where we’d have a new generation of kids trained as soldiers using fatty, non-nutritional food products instead of bullets and pointy objects. Or… maybe Mattel just wanted to sell more toys. Either way.
Each figure came plastered with a fierce grimace, a weapon, a backback, and as about as much articulation as you’d expect from a toy named Fatty Frenchy or Mean Weener (I kid you not). Not only were there figures, Mattel also had enough meatballs (see what I did there?) to release a few food-themed vehicles for these calorie-overloaded cretins. It was probably for the best since I can’t picture any of these guys moving much faster than a funnel full of molasses anyhow. But, oh no, the madness didn’t stop there… it appears that Mattel also released a tie-in lunchbox (with matching thermus) and a “Magic Slate” artboard (like a really cheap version of an Etch-a-Sketch.
I’d hate to leave a bad taste in your mouth (see there, I did it again) so I thought I’d include this awesome fan-made short film featuring the indigestible delinquents set to the score of Weird Al’s “Eat it.” Bon appetite everyone!